i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
