he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
