READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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