Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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