Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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