i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
