Plan B is the new Plan A
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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