Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
