areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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