He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
