My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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