I'm really into asian looking animals
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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