I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
