I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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