I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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