Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize