I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
