She said her name was "party"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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