tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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