Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
