Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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