she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
