I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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