woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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