Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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