My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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