i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
