she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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