you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
