hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
