Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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