I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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