nut hugger
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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