Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
