uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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