she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
