I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
