I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
