we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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