Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
