peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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