there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
