ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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