at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
