my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
