Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
