Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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