So drunk its hurt
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
