Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My vagina is very pro this idea
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize