we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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