Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
