you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
