I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sorry about my life...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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