Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
