guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
