our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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