No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
