I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We left the knife in your bed.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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