Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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