you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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