my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
